On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
hell yes lets make some ravioli
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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