i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
