Umm I'm too high to move.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize