Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
