u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just forgot I was standing up.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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