My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
