I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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