Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
why is half of my head shaved?
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