P.S. I can't hear my feet
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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