my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
