If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
