UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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