i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
