I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
