Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
