Its about making memories worth repressing
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
