I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
