you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
