Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
