I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
