It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
