I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
