I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
