We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
