Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You need Xanax blowdarts
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
