Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am available for nakedness
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
