You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
