And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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