Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
