Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
bring money and cleavage
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
