you guys were way drunker than both of me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
