ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Randomize
