I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize