GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
