he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
