Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
