you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
