How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
