so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
