speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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