Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
