so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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