Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i think i have two assholes
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
