Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
