The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
