Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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