I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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