all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
