dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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