The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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