How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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