Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
