I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
