Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
