Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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