The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
