It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
MIDGETS
????
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
