It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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