I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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