Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
