Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
