tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
