This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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