he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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