Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He shit in the fireplace
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
