Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
