well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
