I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I know her cup size but not her name....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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