my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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