it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
