I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
PANTIES FOUND
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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